Integral Assessment

The exercise was tricky for me. I had to memorize the phrases first before doing the exercise. I have to keep my eyes closed to be able to focus. So reading the phrases could not do it for me. In any case, I did not really get much out of it because I could not focus much. Between trying to remember the phrases and reciting them properly, I could not keep my focus. The phrases were too long and too many. I need more practice on this exercise. 

The assessment was quite a bit of a challenge. I had to really focus and actually meditate on it to get the answers I needed. I saw myself through different lenses and I was amazed by what I discovered. The main area of focus for growth and development for me is the psychospiritual area. This is an overall improvement with some lines of development needing more work. The one that needs most work is my “conative” level of development. It is still hindered by the need to satisfy my survival needs. It is ironic and maybe even contradictory, but I do believe that I have achieved loving-kindness despite my other shortcomings in my search for psychospiritual flourishing. Loving-kindness is embedded in me. It has been part of my life but I just did not have a name for it. It has been the foundation of my relationships and also my profession. Going back to memory lane, in my childhood, I always had dreamed of becoming a doctor, a surgeon to be precise. I wanted to help ill people. Every Christmas, I was the one to get the medical apparatus toys i.e. stethoscope, scalpels, syringes, etc. I would even get the “clogs”. J I, also, was the one who “patched” my sisters’ cuts and bruises since my mother could not stand the sight of blood. Unfortunately, I parted with my dreams when I got accepted in this country to study banking and finance. I was lost in a different educational system and a different language (I am French speaking) and culture altogether. Needless to say, I couldn't cope. I dropped out of college in my fifth semester. That major was just not for me. I met my husband shortly after. When I let him know about my dreams of being a doctor, he suggested nursing. I never thought of it before. He gave me the guidance I desperately needed to navigate the educational system and paid for my nursing education. He assisted me in realizing my dream of healing the ill. I have been doing that for the past 13+ years and I am now ready to enter the next stage: nursing leadership where I can assist healthcare professionals, just like myself, have better access to all the tools and resources they need to excel in their healing abilities.

 My cognitive and emotional levels of development need some improvement because I find myself to be a little more reactive than I would like to be. I think this goes back to satisfying my survival needs. With the state of the economy as it is today, there are many uncertainties and worries, mostly, job stability. Our lives are mostly centered on financial stability. It allows us to care for our families, have a roof over our heads, food on the table, receive care when we are sick, get an education, and the list goes on. With a distressed economy, we have seen many organizations downsizing or closing down altogether which result in a culminating unemployment rate. Financial stability or job stability has become worrisome to many including myself. The precarious job “security”, the uncertainty we face today keeps me worried. I need to work on dissolving these negative patterns (reactivity and self-protection) and further improve on peace, happiness, and loving-kindness. There is always room for improvement in life. The process of expanding and evolving is ever so ongoing. I have been consistent in doing activities that are assisting me in achieving human flourishing/integral health. I meditate more often, especially when I feel overwhelmed. I must say that I enjoy guided meditation now (as long as it is a female voice because I find it more soothing). I am back to praying more and better. I do my physical workout daily and I pay close attention to my nutrition. I will soon incorporate yoga routinely. Slowly but surely… 

In summary, I must say that the work has certainly started for me as I engage more in mental, physical, and spiritual training to achieve wholeness and oneness, body/mind/spirit connection.

Browny.